The 10 Commandments of Getting Off My Ass

My little home-based workspace (i.e., spare bedroom) looks like the Office Depot delivery truck crashed through it. Manila folders, notepads, books, magazines, printouts, and sticky notes cover every possible surface area. To say I let things go while writing this book would be the understatement of the century. Not that I was much of a domestic diva to begin with. But I did like to keep my desk clean. Even if work was nuts, I could stare at the blank patch of pine and know that at least one little thing in the freelance universe was under control.

Today, buried under Mt. Everest on my desk I found a printed page containing these 10 Commandments. I imagine I wrote this list early in 2006 to try to coax myself into a regular book-writing schedule. After much nail-biting and hair-pulling, I did get on a regular writing schedule, but it was nowhere near as smooth as I envisioned when I sat down to draft this list a thousand months ago.

I know as far as fresh blog posts go this is cheating, but I thought you’d want to see anyway. Besides, if you know me even the slightest bit, some of the items will likely make you piss yourself from laughing so hard.

So herewith, I give you The 10 Commandments of Getting Off My Ass:

1. Write first thing in the a.m. OK to eat and/or walk dog first. On weekdays, get on computer by 9:30 a.m.; weekends, as long as it’s before noon, you’re golden. Write for 1 hour without getting up, break for 10 minutes. Repeat 1 to 2 more times before moving on to lunch and afternoon tasks.
2. Schedule interviews/research for afternoons. Do whenever possible. This mainly applies to weekdays. Crucial to get the writing time in during weekday mornings.
3. Don’t watch TV. Just don’t. Really. I mean it. Or you’ll be sorry. Unless it’s after 5 p.m. and you’ve done your writing for the day. Even then, you should be researching or doing chores while the tube’s on. Otherwise, it had better be off or you had better be watching a movie you rented.
4. Let household chores and errands wait their turn. Must not be done in lieu of writing time. However, it’s perfectly OK to do them on brief writing breaks (see commandment #1), at lunch, and before or after the workday. Do out-of-the-house errands at the end of the day. You’ll be dying to get out of the house anyway.
5. Do client writing work in afternoons, evenings, or weekends. Under no circumstances should you write your newspaper/magazine articles or do your bread-and-butter corporate work during the a.m. book-writing time. Exceptions: You can only get a source on the phone for one of the aforementioned assignments during the a.m., in which case, your book-writing time had better extend into the afternoon to make up for it. (BTW, no penalty for writing book all freaking day if you so desire.)
6. Don’t answer the phone. Let the voice mail get it. You’re paying Qwest for it, so you might as well make use of it. Return calls at the end of the day or — here’s a concept — the next day.
7. Same with emails and IM. OK to read emails on writing breaks (see commandment #1, lunches, and before and after work). OK to send a quick response during these times if it has to do with immediate plans, important work stuff, interviews, and so on. Otherwise, wait till end of workday or evening to respond. As for IM, just don’t even log on.
8. Same with e-newsletters and Google alerts. Just gloss over them till the day is done. Or else.
9. Same with Jehovah’s witnesses. Don’t answer the door during the day. Even if the solicitors on your doorstep can see you through the windows. Just motion to them that your dog is vicious and likes to eat strangers who engage in religious dialogue with other strangers. By the same token, don’t make plans with people during the day. Meet them after work. The only one who gets to see you during the day is Buddy, and yes, he is entitled to a midday walk, provided you’ve finished your morning writing. (The a.m. pre-writing walk with Buddy will really help in this department.)
10. Don’t eat instead of writing. Eat at breakfast, lunch, and dinner, yes. Snack when hungry, too. But know that this does not include scarfing a box of cookies in front of Judge Judy instead of starting the next chapter or section you’re supposed to be working on.

***Bonus commandment: If you fall off the wagon, don’t belabor it and bang your head against the wall as punishment. Just tell yourself you’ll do better the next day and make sure you bloody well do.

(Can anyone guess which commandments I followed and which I didn’t? To my credit, I did hit far more of these tenets than I missed. And before we close the, uh, book on this subject, would anyone care to share a page from their own creative routine?)

Add comment November 16th, 2006