To breed or not to breed?

Oooooh, interesting Modern Love by relationship author Wendy Paris in today’s New York Times. The essay starts like this:

I don’t know how I got to be so old without having children. When I was 28 and my cousin had her first child, at 31, I thought, “I certainly won’t wait that long.” But then my freewheeling, career-centric life lasted another decade.

And while the piece is more a discussion of the trials and tribulations of trying to conceive when pushing 40 (which, in my extended social circle, is nowhere near as old/rare/daunting as Paris makes it sound), it touches on the always relevant dilemma of whether to spend your most fertile years building a career, building a family, traipsing around the world (or at least around the neighborhood), or all of the above.

Don’t get me wrong. I am by no means advocating women ditch their day jobs in favor of dirty diapers. Nor am I a militant disciple of Linda Hirshman, insisting that every last woman work outside the home lest Betty Friedan roll over in her grave. I don’t give a poop where in the mommy/careerwoman spectrum others fall, as long as they don’t try to push their decisions on me. (For the skinny on women who agree, see Judy McGuire’s hilarious piece, “Newborn Free,” in the current issue of Bust.)

I know it’s old news, but I (still) find this conundrum fascinating, especially because everything I’ve read on the mommy/career dilemma points to thirtysomething women weighing the work/family balance issue much more heavily than their male counterparts. Probably because in the majority of North American families, the moms are still the ones punching in for the second shift at home. And because in a majority of families, not working outside the home is not a financial option for mothers (or fathers). And because, well, we’re the ones who have to carry the suckers around in our bellies for nine months and suffer the career hits at work, due to workplace biases.

So, people who read this blog but have yet to comment, what do you think about starting a family earlier vs. putting it off to focus on your career, creative pursuits, travels, et cetera? What do you think about doing both at once and trying to strike a balance between the two? How about skipping the whole conception thing, living your independent life to the fullest in your twenties and thirties, and then adopting in your forties? Opting out of motherhood altogether? If some of you comment, I may be persuaded to reveal where I fall within the mommy/career/juggling act spectrum (she goads).

12 comments November 26th, 2006