you bring up a great point re those age-old descriptions of adulthood (= graduation/work/marriage/babies). i, for one, am elated that these old mores have begun to fade into oblivion. i knew my generation (X) had arrived when my parents and grandparents started to tell me (when i was around 30) they were jealous that “kids these days” had more options at their fingertips for how to spend their 20s, as opposed to the work/shack up/procreate formula of their generations. not that there’s anything wrong with my parents’/grandparents’ way. it just hasn’t been for me. and for the record, i don’t consider that selfish. i would consider having a baby i don’t want (or don’t have time or money to care for) more selfish, as you say.

again, thanks for sharing. love hearing all these different POVs.

laura - GREAT point about choosing your own priorities, to each her own, etc. i respect your choices, for sure, even if they aren’t the same as mine. i wish more women would do that and try to see things from the other person’s POV.

judy - what an amazing perk at your friend’s company. i think adopting or fostering is brilliant, too. maybe it will become trendy now that celebs are doing it in the public eye. yeah right.

shawna - you are a woman after my own heart. i sometimes bring up the mommy/careers stuff on this site because How To Balance It All is still such a huge concern for so many women. curiously, when researching the book, the file that was the fattest was my “working moms” file, hands down. there’s a new article/opinion a minute on that front.

last thing i’ll say on the matter (this hour): i was excited to see this childless by choice piece in the WA PO this week too, you know, just to give voice to the less popular side of things:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/11/24/AR2006112400986.html

i can totally relate to the “mother right” stroller quip. that bugs me too.

And yeah, if men did their fair share when it came to baby-raising, it might seem more appealing, rather than appalling.

I think it just depends on your priorities. For me, my career is something I want to enjoy because I spend so much of my life working, but it’s still just a job: it’s a means to an end. It is a means of paying for the life I want to live, and I can’t imagine the disappointment and devastation I would feel if that life didn’t include children of my own.

There’s always something else you could do with your money or your time if you didn’t have children, but I’d rather spend it on my children, even if it means sacrifices. I believe it’s hard to declare yourself financially prepared for children because you can always think of something else to do with your money, but once you have kids, you make it work. You find ways to stretch finances if necessary. I’ve seen it happen over and over and I know I could do it too. My family comes before my employer, so I’d choose kids over career advancement without any hesitation.

the business owners having to pick up their own benefits tab is a source of ire for me too. i’ve never had to contemplate maternity leave and i don’t have any employees, but oh, how i wish i could get better, cheaper healthcare as an independent professional (even though the plan i have is pretty darned good compared to some of the loser individual plans i’ve had in years past). i’ve just come to accept this as my freelance lot, but then i think about all the people WITH employers who can’t afford healthcare and i know the system’s a bit out of whack.

i also take issue with companies giving MORE health benefits to people who are “legally” married and have kids than their single or same-sex couple counterparts (i can think of several friends who would benefit from putting their ailing siblings or parents on their health plan), but that’s a whole other can of worms.

at any rate, i agree with you that the lack of paid national maternity/paternity leave (and the mommy track stigma!) AND the lack of workplace flexibility afforded most working parents has many would-be mothers and fathers thinking twice before they procreate. too bad, because research has been showing that employees given more options as to when and where they work are not only more productive, but more loyal to their employer. which means less employee turnover and more savings for their company. for loads of juicy statistics on this, and a community of parents fed up with the status quo, check out this movement: http://www.momsrising.org/

i guess i could go on and on, too.

i like your plan to adopt a teen in your golden years. ha. maybe those of us who opt out (yep, i’m childfree by choice too) can take solace in the fact that we won’t have braces, college, and soccer uniforms to pay for, which = more money for our Depends, dentures, and medication when we’re old and falling apart. joy.