My idea of a Feb. 14 gift

I don’t know about you, but I don’t need to wait till February 14th rolls around to tell someone I love them, gorge myself with chocolate, or nab me some pretty flowers. I also don’t do diamonds. I do books. And in honor of this ridiculous Hallmark holiday, I thought I’d recommend some books — many by pals of mine — that singles, couples, and moms may dig.

For singles…

How to Date in a Post-Dating World. Written by Diane Mapes, who also writes a spit-your-soda-all-over-your-keyboard-it’s-so-funny column on the single life for the Seattle Post-Intelligencer.

Single State of the Union: Single Women Speak Out on Life, Love, and the Pursuit of Happiness. Diane’s new anthology, featuring the essay “House Without a Spouse” by yours truly, is hot off the presses. Stay tuned for readings this spring.

Singled Out: How Singles Are Stereotyped, Stigmatized, and Ignored, and Still Live Happily Ever After. If you’re sick of your family asking, “So when are you gonna settle down?” or your boss saddling you with a fatter workload than your married coworkers, you will love Dr. Bella DePaulo’s insightful, irreverent book.

For love bugs who want to up the ante…

Offbeat Bride: Taffeta-Free Alternatives for Independent Brides. A must for women thinking about getting hitched. And if you want to hear more from the sock-puppet-toting, penis-water-bottle-guzzling woman herself, Ariel’s currently doing book readings all over the Pacific Northwest.

Why Smart Men Marry Smart Women. Don’t listen to anyone who says you have to dumb yourself down if you’re a het woman who wants to hook up. Dr. Christine Whelan commissioned a bigass Harris Interactive study for this book and found that 90 percent of high-achieving men want to be with a woman who’s at least as smart as them and 80 percent of high-achieving men want a woman who’s at least as accomplished and educated as them.

For mommies…

Single Mom Seeking: Playdates, Blind Dates, and Other Dispatches from the Dating World. Reviewers are calling Rachel Sarah’s book “sexy,” “edgy,” and “hot.” Publisher’s Weekly says it’s “…a west coast Sex in the City roundup of romantic escapades and frustrated desires for the Pampers (as opposed to the pampered) set.” Juicy!

Confessions of a Naughty Mommy: How I Found My Lost Libido. Further proof that sex doesn’t stop with motherhood! In her dishy book, author Heidi Raykeil tells moms whose sex lives are lagging how to put that spring back in their step.

1 comment February 14th, 2007

Have your career and go down too

According to a new book by psychiatrist and academic Anita Clayton, careerwomen make worse lovers. We’re too stressed and too wiped out from all that go-getting and overachieving to get it on. Plus, we’re unhappy with our sex lives but often in denial about it. And if we’re hetero, we probably don’t let on any of this to our partner. Instead, we dutifully perform our womanly duties and pull a Meg Ryan so he thinks we think he’s still got it in the sack.

Some excerpts from a recent Richmond Times-Dispatch article about Clayton’s book:

…she cites a study that showed 43 percent of women are unhappy with their sex lives, “which doesn’t seem bad unless you believe, as I do, that the other 57 percent were lying.”

And:

Women, especially working women, are more stressed and tired than ever before. Women’s overburdened lives alter the libido, she said. And there seems little motivation for women to change.

And:

“We have incorporated the belief that beautiful people have the best sex…. I think that pressure has ratcheted up.”

To Clayton’s credit, her book, called Satisfaction: Women, Sex, and the Quest for Intimacy, looks as though it’s genuinely aimed at helping women achieve the big O rather than stripping them of their careers. (I’ve only read the promo copy.)

I will be the first to admit that when I’m crazy-busy with work, right after sleep and exercise, sex is often the first thing to go. But if I’m happy in my relationship and my partner is too, I’m not sure why I should care, unless the agenda is to push me into making babies. And whatever happened to pre-dawn, morning, or weekend sex? All viable solutions to the so-called “not tonight” problem. Plus, I didn’t realize I was supposed to think that only the Paris Hiltons of the world have great sex, but I promise to get right on that.

I know that if you’re a parent, all the roll-in-the-hay rules can change. So, tell me, singles, parents, single parents, do you think career and coitus (and family) can coexist? Or like the good doctor implies, are we all just in deep, deep denial, letting our lube and vibrators languish and taking our work to bed instead?

2 comments February 14th, 2007