Move over, marriage…
…When it comes to romantic commitment, you’re not the only game in town.
That’s the opening paragraph to the cover story I wrote for “Gender F”, a Seattle Times section that came out today. The story isn’t anti-marriage; it’s pro-alternatives-to-marriage-if-you-so-choose and pro-marriage reform (as in, let’s stop treating lesbians and gays like shit, and let’s think about giving singles — say, the widowed midlifer taking care of her mom with Alzheimer’s — the same tax breaks and workplace perks as the married twentysomethings she lives next door to or works side by side with). I’ve already written how I feel about this here, so I won’t rehash it now.
As anyone could have predicted, a couple of “concerned readers” have already graced my inbox to say that they will “pray for me” or to compliment me on being “a modern whore,” whatever that means. (”You, go, you modern whore!”) If they really want to save my soul, though, I would kindly request they immediately proceed to this web page and open their wallets. That would be the quickest route to salvation for this girl.
But I digress… My point is, I’m don’t think I’m a bitter old crone or whatever the fashionable insult to hurl at single thirtysomething feminists is these days. I’m just not sure marriage is the only way to go. And I’m not the only one who thinks so. But since you can read the facts in the aforementioned article, let’s personalize this here and now:
Maybe I would feel differently if I wanted to have children — after all, two incomes/caregivers are infinitely easier than one — but I’m pretty sure I don’t, and if I wait too much longer, biology will make that a moot point. And maybe I would feel differently if I wasn’t able to support myself, but I am and I do. (Ah, the ‘ole career tie-in.) And, as people say, maybe I would feel differently if I met the right guy. Only thing is, I have met the right guy, and we’ve been together three years, happily living apart. Maybe that will change someday, but neither one of us is in any sort of rush. (I write about that in Diane Mapes‘ fabulous new book, Single State of the Union, which you will hear lots more about this spring.)
From a romantic perspective, not needing a partner for financial reasons has been incredibly liberating. Without the biological clock ruling my every dating move and with a warm roof already over my head, I’m free — as countless modern women are — to date and fall in love for booty and companionship alone, not because I’m trolling for a meal ticket, real estate, or a sperm donor. Basically this translates into not freaking out if I’m alone on a Saturday night or my calendar is blank for a week straight. (In fact, right now, if my calendar actually was blank for a week straight, I would do the biggest fattest happy dance you’ve ever seen.)
What do you ladies think? Do you think today’s courtship is incredibly different than it was for our moms, now that we, too, can bring home the bacon like nobody’s business and buy our own homes? In other words, is marriage even necessary today? Or do you think that regardless of increasingly equal career opportunities/salaries, marriage is here to stay? I’d love to hear your comments, but kindly I request that you play nice.
24 comments March 18th, 2007
