Comments on: To spawn or not to spawn

By: The Anti 9-to-5 Guide » What I really think about credit cards, cash, and baby showers

Mon, 24 Sep 2007 12:46:05 +0000

[...] Q: I read that you’ve given the baby thing a lot of thought lately. How would motherhood restrict your finances? Your career? [...]

By: Child-free by choice

Child-free by choice — Mon, 16 Jul 2007 20:22:23 +0000

You stated that companies could make things easier by “offering flex and part-time schedules, as well as the same wages and advancement opportunities as their non-mom counterparts.” It would help if working-mothers would contribute work-wise as much as the non-mom counterparts. I have personal experience of at least 10 such w-m’s who slacked off once they returned from maternity leave. All to often I personally and so many other of my co-workers both male and female have had to put in extra time and effort to cover for them. When asked to contribute more to the team they used the baby as an excuse. When confronted about their lack of performance they start yelling discrimination.

I’m sure there are a lot of truly professional working-mothers out there but I have yet to actually meet one. Better still I would actually like to work, really work, with one. In my 30 years of being employed, I never have.

Why does it have to be “build a career, then start a family”? Why not the other way around? The argument has been that companies will favor the younger employee. But isn’t that just another opportunity to change the attitudes about age? Then both sexes whether with or without kids would benefit.

By: Moose

Moose — Mon, 16 Jul 2007 14:03:10 +0000

We’re planning to have our first baby in the next year (I’m 29). I was the associate editor of a small regional magazine for five years and just took the freelance plunge. If my boyfriend wasn’t older and so keen on having kids NOW, I would wait until I had a better hold on my career. I’m somewhat terrified of spending the next six months building up a decent freelance roster and then having to drop half or all of them when a baby makes its squalling appearance. I don’t think there’s an easy answer to this question, you just make it work. With a crowbar and duct tape, if necessary.

By: Michelle Goodman

Michelle Goodman — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 04:28:23 +0000

Hey Cynthia, can you parlay your experience/knowledge in the financial sector into a part-time freelance or consulting career? If you were a financial planner, marketing whiz, or executive assistant in your former 9-5 life, perhaps you can take on a couple of freelance clients, just to get a little pocket money and to boost your esteem. Start by asking the people you used to work with if they need to outsource any work. Then tell everyone you know that you’re available to do whatever it is you do best. Etc.

By: Cynthia

Cynthia — Wed, 11 Jul 2007 18:06:32 +0000

I am 39, I feel so lucky that after going down the fertility road, I have a two year old, and a 9 month old. That being said, I completely walked away from a career in finance to raise my babies. It has been extremely hard to go from a 6 figure salary to no income. I hate feeling like I have to ask my husband whenever I need some cash. I have been financially independant for the last 20 years. What I need now is something I can do for me. Some kind of work from home situation so I am earning again. It isn’t about needing the income as much as feeling like I have monetary worth. I have lost single friends who have treated me like I am sitting at home watching the view and napping while they are out working. Let me say, full time mom to two babies is harder than trading stocks ever was. I feel like I am rambling…any thoughts???

By: Crafty Green Poet

Crafty Green Poet — Fri, 06 Jul 2007 10:15:37 +0000

I’ve never wanted children and even at 40 don’t expect I ever will. I htink that more women who are undecided about having children would have them earlier if their work place made it easier but other considerations are that a lot of people meet their lifetime partners later in life now than they used to do and that more people seem to have less structured or secure carreers than they used to. Personally I think if you want children you should aim for number 1 by 30 and number 2 by 35 but there’s so much going against that these days.

By: Melissa

Melissa — Mon, 02 Jul 2007 18:16:47 +0000

I am a working mom of a one-year old daughter. I’m 36 now, and I would like to have another child, so I’m sort of in the same boat (my mom-o-meter is paused for the moment, but likely to be reinstated in a year or so).

I like working, but do find that it’s difficult. I was directed to this website because I’d like to start a career as a freelance writer – I think ‘owning’ my working hours would help tremendously.

One other thing in my experience of having kids later in life (it wasn’t reall put off deliberately – my husband and I didn’t get married until we were 31): Beyond the fertility issues is all the genetic ’stuff’ – how you get to hear how much more likely genetic problems occur with older moms. I never worried about it that much – thinking, “There are people WAY older than me having kids. People do it all the time now!” But then when YOU are the one sitting there in the hospital gown at the doctor’s office discussing it, you feel very vulnerable.

Anyway, I too wish that ‘corporate America’ would get a clue and make it easier for people to have kids when they want to – without feeling like there’s always something else to do or achieve first.

By: caroline

caroline — Sat, 23 Jun 2007 17:38:41 +0000

I predict this to be THE women’s issue in the next decade. We’re the first generation to be raised in a mainstream acceptance of women “having it all”, and I really think it has backfired. Women are fighting amongst each other, stay-at-home moms judging working moms, working moms judging stay-at-home moms…we’re creating a needless war that will continue to keep us down. Flex hours, stay-at-home moms helping working moms without judgment, working moms helping stay-at-home moms with resources they have in the workplace..the options are endless, but women (and mainstream media) have made it totally black and white for us. Women are the only ones who’ll be able to change it. Until that happens, we’ll be forced to make hard choices where someone has to “suffer” (ie. waiting to have kids, not having kids at all, feeling guilty about not working hard enough or leaving early to tend to children, losing essential income by staying at home, etc). It’s incredibly frustrating.

By: Michelle Goodman

Michelle Goodman — Tue, 19 Jun 2007 20:24:29 +0000

charlene and company, thanks for weighing in on this. great comments! i obviously can’t speak from the mom side of thing, so it’s great to hear all your thoughts. feel free to keep ‘em coming, people…

also, i agree people should have the option to telecommute if our jobs are conducive to it. call me an idealist…! as for the low environmental impact of flex work, GREAT point, stella. do you know that i’ve had the same car since 1989? it only has 150K miles on it because i’ve commuted in it about three of the past 18 years. (!)

By: jobmom/crazedparent

jobmom/crazedparent — Tue, 19 Jun 2007 20:12:24 +0000

hi michelle, i posted my thoughts on this at jobmom:

http://blogs.payscale.com/job_mom/2007/06/babyquest_wait_.html

great topic.